The Land of Absolutes

One place I try not to visit in is the Land of Absolutes. You know the place, the land of “never,” “always,” and “everyone.” Never do this, always do that, everyone does this. Absolutes are the stuff of divisiveness, and a multitude of “isms”  (racism, ageism, etc.). Yet, as I stalk 60, and that number gets closer and closer, I realize that there may be some absolutes in my life, and they seem heavily weighted to the negative.

As we age, the word “never” starts hanging around, and it is usually married to the word “again.”  Things we will never do again. People we will never see again. Time we will never have again. Unlike Peter Pan’s home, this NeverLand is full of people growing older. There are also the “will nevers,” as in I will never be a millionaire. Or a movie star.  Of course, some of the “will nevers” are just silly flights of fancy, but others are deadly serious. Many of us will never have enough money for retirement. Each of us will realize that things that years ago we had on our “someday” list have silently slid over onto the “never” list; and the realization can be heartbreaking.

Maybe you “never” got to travel, “never” got that dream job, “never” resolved some hurtful issue with a friend or loved one. Thinking about the “nevers” can be a distressing pastime, a spiral that is hard to pull out of once you start to spin.

I have my never list. There are the grandiose items, like millionaire, that realistically was not the path my life was on, but hey, I could still win the lottery. And winning the lottery would help cross off quite a few of the other “nevers,” that have to do with lifestyle, providing for my family, and carrying me through old age.

Perhaps there are some “nevers” I can focus on.  Finding the truth in the saying that this day will never come again. But by living the land of today and embracing every moment, I can push the absolutes out of the way. And that’s never a bad thing.